there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
