if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
