So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
