Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
