my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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