Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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