So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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