i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
