Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
