I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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