He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
