Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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