do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
