My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
