you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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