I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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