So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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