Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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