think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
