dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
