I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
