Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
