Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
