You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
