They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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