I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
