I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
