Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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