Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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