they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
