Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
