I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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