Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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