There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
