My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
