stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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