That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
