Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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