i permit you to call me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
