do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
