and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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