so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
