You just made me feel so damn special
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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