I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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