two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
