So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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