I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
