I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
