ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
