Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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