no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
