Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
