Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
